Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
