Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
