I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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