Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
