I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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