she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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