So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
