woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
