Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
