i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
