I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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