I am puke
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
