I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
