it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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