He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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