We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
