Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
