Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
