She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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