So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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