my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they're like a gay fantastic four
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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