I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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