he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
