Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
