I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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