i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
