The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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