you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
