So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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