i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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