Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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