I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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