so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
