we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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