community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
