just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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