Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
