Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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