Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
