I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
