Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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