Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They are going to name an STD after you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
