My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
