Your mouth is God's brothel.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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