Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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