I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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