omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she peed on how many people?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
