Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
