This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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