I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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