Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize