your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
