I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
