come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
