So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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