We're like a lot better than the average bears
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we're making bets on your personal life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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