The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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