Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
