Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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