pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
