: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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