just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
