oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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