Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
