T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
