So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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