Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
