his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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