we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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