I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
