honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
