I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
