Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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