at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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