quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
