I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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