So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
