I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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