god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
