I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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