Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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