just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
