Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
