dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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