whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
