Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
