He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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