she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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