We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
