You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
