When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
